OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
