I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
