first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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