Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
