I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just threw up on my dentist
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
