ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
