The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Randomize
