Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
