like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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