Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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