I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
