My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I have already put on my inside pants.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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