I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
