I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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