drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
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