I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
