I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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