From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
