i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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