Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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