I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
