Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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