So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
