STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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