Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
