We're facebook friends in real life
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
