I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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