I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
