I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
