Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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