so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
