My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
