im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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