I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
