I feel great
I just peed on a car
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
