if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
