I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
