Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
