after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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