Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
