Her vagina should come with caution tape.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
