Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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