i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
