He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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