i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
