im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize