What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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