I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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