At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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