So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I think I sprained my soul last night
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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