i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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