So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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