Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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