I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
