I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize