The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
