Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
