Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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