dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
