And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
