Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
