Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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