ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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