get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
