the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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