I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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