I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
