Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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