Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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