do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
