Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
