3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
