Need sex. Gaining weight.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
