JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
