How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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